My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
