Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
