dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
