Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize