He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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