The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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