i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
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