and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
