I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
