please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
