i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
