This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
