We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
No subtext here. People are naked.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
