Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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