I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
