I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
