you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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