just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
