Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
