fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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