I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
