Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
