we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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