I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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