Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
