Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
