i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
