would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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