He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
