we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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