I met the friendliest cop last night
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
