I can text with my tongue
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
