I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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