She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You ate ashes out of my bong
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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