trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
