I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
