Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
