I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Text me some of your sweat
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize