Only a mothe r could love this liver
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
false alarm, still single
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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