everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize