Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
