I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
