The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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