you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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