Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
