I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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