A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
