Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
