I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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