he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
