my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You ruined the universe
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
