Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize