he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
