Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
