Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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