my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
