Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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