I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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