somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
