Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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