Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
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