Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
