The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
