This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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