No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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