the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
