I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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