Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
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